How does one grieve? How do you go though and emotion of
grief? Seems as though most of my life grief was never allowed and we
were taught to keep moving forward, never look back. The problem I have
found is this mentality is only a band aid for the moment and eventually
that grief needs to be dealt with. I have found that I did move forward
in many aspects of my life except for dealing with the pain. I would
"run" by using. If I started to feel I learned a poor remedy to silence
those thoughts and fears. I feel a bit disconnected with it all. It
being things I have endured in this life. I always thought of myself as
being a window shopper in my life. That being, I observed what was
happening but never assumed responsibility of actually being part of the
reality around me. I never wanted anyone to feel sympathetic because I
felt that was me wanting attention and in the end no one really cared
anyway. But in reality people do care about me and that is a hard bone
to choke down. Why do they care? Are they just being nosey or even
comparing their struggle to mine and how much worse mine is? I heard
someone once say "I mean I have problems but not like yours" what does
this mean? Does it comfort them to know I'm more messed up than they
are? Lots of unanswered questions I pray daily for the Lord to give me
understanding and wisdom.
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