9-25-15 Merciful God

Although court was a few days ago, it is now dawning on me what a merciful God we have. The states attorney has offered me a task probation which when completed would "erase" the felony charges I am facing! Amen, God is good. I cannot go into detail as to why this is such a blessing just yet however it is by grace I am being offered this second  chance. My career is at stake if I were to catch a felony and even if that is His will, I will accept he has a much greater plan for me than what would be happening. I feel so at ease knowing I am not alone, EVER and funny thing is, I truly never have been. When I look back at all that I have gone through he was always right there! I was just too blind to see. I held a lot of resentment towards him for what had happened in my childhood. So much so that I did not believe there was even a God. I mean, my thinking was "why didn't God protect his children like they taught me in church as a child? Why did he let this happen? Was I THAT bad that I deserved all of this hurt?". Later, I would realize that he allows all their own free will and what happened to me was not of my doings or anything I had caused. It was something that was done to me and he must have known I was a strong enough soul to handle what was thrown my way. Maybe I did not handle it the way he might have envisioned but again, he gives us free will and and I solely made the choices thereafter my experiences. Forgiveness for myself has to be the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I struggle heavily with how to forgive myself for my choices. I pray that one day I can see myself the way He sees me, fearfully and wonderfully made (thanks sponsor). He is one heck of a merciful God. He has shown me so much mercy I cannot deny what he is doing inside of my soul. I am a grateful believer in the almighty Jesus Christ :)