2-16-16 Book

The farther I get along in recovery the more I am able to open up and be honest about all of my past. Most, which is filled with horror and despair. I did not realize that I was spiritually dead. One of my favorite sayings is "there is nothing worse than feeling dead when you're still alive." I felt this for most of my life. It's almost as though I had no idea how to even feel happiness and then when I did I struggled with feeling as though I even deserved it. I celebrated 7 months in sobriety yesterday. Sobriety to me is clean from drugs and sober from alcohol. This is the first time since I was 10 years old that I have lived in sobriety. Not only am I achieving sobriety but I also have sought a spiritual awakening, God. Although, I often think He sought after me lol. I have created a new group of friends and they are sober friends. I never fathomed this to be possible as what I have seen my whole life has been riddled with addictive behaviors. I have wrote my testimony of the good work God is doing inside of me and around me but also stated where my life was broken down many times by the devil. I am so  grateful that God did not label me "Non-Redeemable". There is hope as I am living proof. I am slowly attempting to put into words my life and the experiences I have endured in hopes to publish it one day and give back the hope God has given to me. I am for the first time since I have been alive grateful to live another day. Battling domestic abuse, addiction, mental illness and codependency are just some of the struggles I am learning to overcome with God as my refuge. There is freedom in telling!