12-1-15 Victorious

My life has taken a complete toll to the bottom. Since June of this year everything has downward spiraled going 100 miles an hour. First, i walked away from my life as I knew it and went into hiding to protect the love of my life who was taken into custody for some charges in June. The law caught up and he is now awaiting sentencing. The hardest part is not knowing an out date.  We ended up finding refuge at my mother's house before they took him.  Life as I knew it; having my own house, driving brand new cars, making $75, 000 a year came to a screeching halt. I was now driving a used car and living back at my mothers house...first time since I was 17 years old. All I had left was my children and my job. In November I lost my job as well of four years.  God promises to make all things nee not just some. So I prayed that He would place me where he deemed necessary.  I am in complete surrender to His will for my life. I cannot do this by myself, I've tried and ran a good race but in the end God revealed my need for Him. I need Him so desperately and I had no clue. I was dead on the inside but living through the motions fighting every battle alone all the while killing myself a little more everyday. I prayed to a God I didn't even know to cease this beating heart because I didn't know how to get out of the horror story my life had become. I am in awe at the miracle He is doing within me. Yesterday,  I was blessed with a job offer and plan to start a new chapter that is oriented around God and His will for my life. I struggle with knowing if it's His will or my stubbornness with letting my love go or stay because God wants us together or not. I just keep praying for discernment in the situation.  I know that I love him dearly but I wonder if God separated us for good or just now. I know the day I gave myself to the Lord I was talking with him on the phone and told him my plans and stood firm and he freely decided that God is also what he needs in this life. Was that God's purpose for me in his life to lead him back to God and move on? I'm so unsure sometimes when it comes to knowing if what I'm doing is His will or my own. Anyway,  victoriously I will say God is renewing every part of my life for the better and I have faith He will show me what is right with this jailhouse relationship I am maintaining.  Thank you Lord as I am seeking you and you are so faithful.